Parenthood

We have different kind of parents…Jerry and I. Both our parents married considerably young. They’ve been through times that were tough, during their years of marriages…his parents survived, mine did not.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom who has single handedly tried to raise us three when my father left. I still have fond memories of my father too. They were both great parents, they had fun, they still laughed at each other and they were like a couple of teenagers in love (come to think of it, they were still somehow considered teenagers). I even told them at one time, one day I wanted to get married and be like you guys… i was only 5 or 6 years old.

I was used to being part of an incomplete family when Jerry came along and introduced me to his family, his parents.

It felt awkward at first…they seemed conventional, so different from my fond memories of my parents. I thought to myself, there’s no way i can be like jerry’s mom, putting everyone elses’ needs before herself. I thought she must be very unhappy, unlike my mom who always voiced out her wants and desires. But i couldnt be more wrong. Jerry’s mom is the rock of the family. Her children are always feeling secure and loved. Her husband is always well taken care of. Again, its different from my family where we were taught to be more independent, life is tough so we must be tougher. We never feel secure, at least i never feel secure. We always have to learn how to survive somehow.

I learn so many things from the two moms. They have different style of parenting. No one is completely right or completely wrong. I respect them both, and i hope to be at least half as great as them to baby L.

As for fathers, needless to say jerry’s father is consistently here. It helps to think that he’s here to back you up no matter what. As for my father…well, when i see him we’ll continue this conversation. But im grateful, i still do have my Father in Heaven, who’ve always been my rock and salvation, who always hold my hands when i fall.

Parenthood… here we come. If you’re reading this baby L, forgive us if we make many many mistakes. But we love you, and have your best interest at heart. Also… know that God loves you, coz you’re His gift to us.

 

 

Faith & Promises

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen… Hebrews 11:1

2016

It was 2016, we were in despair as our insemination process failed. Our almost 1 year struggle of diet n exercises yielded no fruit (well except that we lost weight and were way healthier than before). We stopped going to doctors. Then we had a revelation, that we would be gifted a baby boy and then Lego baby came out (hahaha). So we just have faith, but time is ticking.

After a very much unexpected journey of 2017 and 2018 throughout 2019, His promise came to fruitition. A baby girl was born. Though many guesses it was a baby boy.

I think at this moment, i not only thank God, but also would like to thank our friends and family who’ve been so supportive throughout. Without you guys, i dont think this day will come through. Love you all.

Never give up, never lose faith

2019

A Father’s hand

“Your arms are my shelter, assuring me it will be better

Your hand is my comfort lifting me up when i fall short

Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.” – by many sources

 

 

 

 

Another Chance

It has been one week since we’re back here in Surabaya. We just celebrated T’s wedding on 7th July, a touching and warm church ceremony in the morning, then a glamorous garden-themed wedding party at night attended by wonderful family and friends. She looked so beautiful, so radiant in her white dress, the groom in his blue suit, stunning and ready for their new life, their new family.

For the rest of us, seeing this wedding feels like another chance, to reflect on our married lives, to see the mistakes, to see what should have been done, the whole many years of journey that started right there, at the altar.

I am forever grateful for having my husband by my side all these years, all the promises he made at the altar, he kept. My happiness has been his priority and his becomes mine. It was not always like that honestly, ego and selfishness sometimes got in the way, but we learn to overcome day by day.

This week has been exciting too for one of my best friend C, she’s undergoing IVF programme and we all pray that this will go smoothly. I think her enthusiasm for this programme, and by encouragement from a few of my best friends somehow pushed me abit to give it a try. Although we cannot start right away, but we’re excited to start soon. I guess jerry and i do long for our little junior to impart our wisdom to..haha. Can you imagine, you can teach anything to this mini version of you…anything..it’s like a blank canvas. Another chance to create the better version of you..they said.

Family Holiday & Togetherness

In one’s mind, having a big family holiday would be lots of great fun, laughter and more fun together. Of course we had all that, but not only that. During this holiday, we learn much more about togetherness. Here’s maybe a few tips for arranging a big family holiday:
1. Plan your itinerary and avoid packing tight schedule. If there’s only two or four of you, tight schedule might be doable. But forget all that when you have a group of people in all ages, trying to have a relaxing holiday.
2. Plan where to EAT! Consider everybody’s meal option and try to find as many general foodcourts as possible if everyone’s tastes varies. Make use of food delivery option too when plausible (in my case Go-Jek is very convenient..haha).
3. Visit places where young and old can enjoy as much as possible. Eg. Beach club where young children can play at the beach and the adults can hang out having drinks. Restaurants with playground. Shopping malls with kids’ zone.
4. Patience. I think that’s the essential part of having fun. A group of people equals people with different conflicting interest. I’m most grateful that a lot of people in the group were patient, willing to wait and sacrifice their own wants for the sake of togetherness. Imagine how chaotic it would be if each and everyone wanted to do things their way. Of course as coordinator, we had to try meet up with everyone’s interests as much as possible to be fair.
5. Plan two types of activities, one for the young and another for the elders if possible. If it means the group has to go separate ways for a while, it’s ok. This will ensure everyone has time to really enjoy their own activities.
6. Free & easy tour packages. Tour packages usually include transports, hotels, some with meals. These three were basically the essentials for a successful holiday. Opt for this if you want a relatively worry-free/stressless holiday with a big group.

Aside from all that, remember to just enjoy your holiday, and count things to be grateful for. Accept that things do not always go smoothly as planned, but all in all, it is moment of togetherness that really counts 🙂

14 Years of Promise

Two of my best friends (S & V) and I went on a trip to Bali sometimes ago. It was not really spur of the moment thing, in fact we have planned for this trip since 14 years ago (haha..)

We just finished up school then, going back to our respective hometowns. I remember it was a sad farewell, we had so much fun in that many years together, sharing laughter and heartfelt moments together. We were more like family.

So, we plan to get together, to Bali for girls’ trip. But things happen, life happen, work, marriage, conflicts, family, all weighing down our priorities and time. We still see each other occasionally, from time to time throughout the years. And everytime we talked about this trip, this promise, but never really know when we were going to make it.

Then one day we finally did it.

 

Farewell Grandpa

The heavy feelings sank in again. I could feel my heart beat faster, face flustered I clenched my fist trying to hold back the tears. He’s in better place now.

My grandfather was a man of principle, stubborn and stern. I remember how we were afraid of him. After work, he would always sit with us, to ensure we did our homework and study properly. As we got older, we often went by his house to visit, or he would drive over to see us. He was always teaching my brothers mechanical things, and he would talk to me about life in general. We learned so much from him, and we know how protective he was towards us. He was already in his eighties and he would climb trees to fix his roof, he rode motorbike from place to place, he laughed at us youngsters who got too tired and sick easily. He believed one should be independent and not count on anyone else but himself.

Two years ago when he realised he was not as strong as before, he somehow found God, and took comfort going to church. This was nothing short of miracles for us. Someone as stubborn and strong-willed as him could finally recognise there were things beyond his control, he could finally let go and let God. One day he told us he did not want to grow too old, he did not like being a burden to anyone. I told him he still got 20 years to go to reach 100 years old, he laughed and shook his head, he said he had asked God so he could go peacefully while he was sleeping. His wish came true somehow.

Everywhere I go, there’s memory of him. His favorite place and food, his words and laughter, his countless advice and nagging, all are still ringing in my memory. I know i can never repay what he has done for us, as our protector, as our light in times of darkness, as a captain to our wrecked ship. Despite our many arguments, as we are as stubborn as him, I thank God each and everyday for his inspiring life. He had lived his role as a great father and grandfather to us. We love you and will always carry you in our hearts. Rest in peace grandpa.

I show you mine…

When I was a child, my parents used  to take me to see movies, cop movies in particular. I remember there were a lot of cool actions and explosions, the hero cop always came to save the day. It didn’t take long before my childhood dream was to become a cop. All the other girls in my neighborhood might dream of becoming a bride, a fairy, an angel, but I was determined to become a heroine, just like the cop in the movies. How about you, what is your childhood dream?

Geek Cheers!

Cheers!

Back in high school and university, I fell under the nerd and ‘good-gal’ category. Instead of partying and drinking booze, I’d rather hang out with my friends studying and drinking hot chocolate in the nearby neighborhood cafe. I know what you’re thinking, I’ve missed ‘wild college’ years of my life. Yes..I’ve pretty much skipped thewild part, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t have fun. My friends were, so to speak, as nerdy as me I guess. We hung out to study projects over delicious pork chop dinner, chatted on gossips at simple coffee shop, laughed at each others’ joke and silliness, we had pajamas party with lots of silly games, we drove up to the mountain to have picnics and enjoyed the view, and so many others. Safe to say, I had a great ‘geek’ time in college!

 

Togetherness

Travelling together